Kurrathing<p>idle thought:</p><p>if i were to move far away, it seems and sounds in my head as if i would be laying down my life as i knew it, and taking up a new almost foreign one. family, real blood family would be far, very far. all the faces would be different. even the sun risings and settings would happen differently. i would not have all the pains and stresses i know, yet i would miss those fond stresses and things, let alone the natural spaces and parks i take for granted. i would be alone. no family, at least they would be a day away.</p><p>...i find that... i am hopelessly clingy and connected to family, and i feel very five years old just at the prospect of leaving home, even in the face of family conflict urging me out.</p><p>....I have never been apart from at least one family member always, and i would be leaving my beloved mother, the only human who has ever stayed in my life for its entirety. ❤</p><p>I love her. 💛</p><p>i don't know how i could, and i know eventually will, live without her. i am afraid, not of being apart but ultimately of knowing, i won't have the option of making a call, writing a letter, just knowing that in the world she is thinking of me, and her knowing i am thinking of her.</p><p>how do i move? will it be scary the first month? will i be homesick or dissatisfied with my new location? will i feel alone surrounded by or even living with friends? will my new residence ever feel like home? will i cry a lot? will it get better? will i become someone else who maybe forgets to call my mother and family, like i see stereotypes of on tv? will i become callous to family by moving away from them? will i age fast, will this make me 'older?'</p><p>one question i am comforted about, that i will never have to ask, is 'will i be able to move back?' There is no question, i have been assured that i always have a home, at home. and that is what i cling to.</p><p>i have so many questions and fears. i don't want to lose my life as i knew it, all the good family and things i have here. i just don't know. I ask God to comfort me, and show me it'll be easy and okay and there was never anything worth worrying about. u_u</p>