䷰ Unexpectedly Useful @xinjinmeng@dragon.style

Yes, hello! I am Xin Jin Meng, the Novelty of the Golden Fantastic. Welcome to my social medium!

I am a furry, a dragon, an enby, a primadonna, a virago, a vorarephile, a sybarite, an aesthete, and if there's any time left over after all that, an artist.

I have come to Mastodon because I want to talk about things that matter to me on a personal level. I will endeavor to respect your feelings, with content warnings and elsewhere, but I am not safe for work.

|🔴 https://www.patreon.com/xinjinmeng •
🐾 http://www.furaffinity.net/user/xinjinmeng •
📺https://xinjinmeng.newgrounds.com/ •
🐦 https://twitter.com/Xinjinmeng •
🇩🇦 https://xinjinmeng.deviantart.com •
🇸🇫 https://xinjinmeng.sofurry.com/ •
🍽️ https://aryion.com/g4/user/Xinjinmeng •
🇫🇷 https://www.furiffic.com/Xinjinmeng •
🇹 http://xinjinmeng.tumblr.com/ •
🖼️ https://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=15249624 •
🦡 https://www.weasyl.com/~xinjinmeng •
👕 https://shop.spreadshirt.com/strange-frontier • https://www.redbubble.com/people/Xinjinmeng

I don't post a lot of art to mastodon because this is where I go when I'm not "on." 🍷

Iterating!

Various scraps, doodles, and ephemera
Streamed on https://picarto.tv/xinjinmeng 
Commissions form: https://forms.gle/xDZ12vJPV8Kf9zvq6

gentrification humour

making new characters

Enby fashion decisions.
🤔 Should I get a ...

#BigMood

🗣: "Hey, can you recommend some webcomics to read?"
me: (starts to wonder about myself when I'm making my fifth suggestion that has a content warning in front of it.) 😐

Living in the future means "I guess I will download this 55 Gb file".

Working through the queue. Will be rather shocking. 🔵
Featuring the mighty mighty Caloriebomb
https://picarto.tv/xinjinmeng 
🔞 #nsfw

#BigMood

I am less bad today.
I want to sit down and just cry myself to sleep, but failing that, I am going to sleep.

I am filled with a mix of unpleasant emotions. But one of them is exhaustion, so I'm going to bed.

I'm not sure where "multi" falls on the self-identity spectrum in general, and on my identity in specific.
🎭 I have multiple personae, and I can change from one to another without too much difficulty. Some of these, I created specifically to force myself to be someone different. Someone outside of my comfort zone. (https://youtu.be/E5ofVsxTPoc?t=58)
😅 It may be difficult to believe, but I developed this current persona because I wanted to come across as *nicer*. I become more like them, they become more like me.
🙁The post-NymWars Web 3.0 that we live in, the Internet is thought to be just like real life: you know, where everyone is exactly who they say they are at all times, and all salesmen are honest and the barista must really like you.
☹️ I think often about that Google employee who wrote a long email about how sensitivity training was stupid because why would anyone ever appear as anything other than what he thought they should be. This cishet whiteboy had no trouble presenting! Why would anyone else?
👥 I look at my personae as extensions of myself, as constructions I put on to interact with others, or to understand myself. The impression I get from self-identified multis is that the personae express themselves without work, or even without prompting. They are what is.
👹 And in all candor, I'm doing the reverse. These personae are where I go to get away from me. I often don't like me. I'm angry. I'm petty. I'm cruel. If I force myself to present as someone different, I won't be those things.
😎There's people who recognize me, and then know how to bring out bad behavior in me. I don't know if they do it on purpose, but that doesn't matter. I am letting people manipulate me into being something I don't want to be. That's why my anonymity is important to me. I need my spaces to be safe.
😟 I worry that I'm remote, mistrustful, and paranoid. Am I putting on these airs because I don't want people to hate me? If these persona aren't "the real me", am I manipulating other people? How real is real?
🐲 I don't have easy answers, but I'm not an easy person. So the thesis here will be that there's more than one of me but there isn't multiples of me. I am not legion, I do not contain multitudes. There's a lot of territories to chart, and there's a lots of maps.

Various scraps, doodles, and ephemera
Streamed on https://picarto.tv/xinjinmeng 
Commissions form: https://forms.gle/xDZ12vJPV8Kf9zvq6

Am spending too much time on the internet.

I've since been informed that I might have some transference going on. 🤔 That I probably am angry at being queer but I'm sublimating.

Idle thoughts

Addendum: