Thoughts after leaving abusive/toxic household, longpost rambling (-) Show more
Trying to just figure out if things could have been better. I kinda ran while nobody was at home, with all my things I could carry...
And I keep wondering, "could I do it without hurting anyone".
Then... I remember to consider what my parents would do. And... I have no actual idea of what they /would/ do. I... don't trust "That's how it would normally be done" reply of dad about "If I asked to go, would you let me?".
And bleh. Got asked by address by both of them. Obviously didn't say.
And I don't want to burn that bridge off completely... Though dad's "I'll report laptop stolen to police" (my laptop that was left in dust in my wardrobe for years) makes it harder to believe him, and that he wouldn't burn this bridge himself.
...where the fuck it all went wrong? Was it a shared effort, or was it them just... not caring enough and etc? sigh.
Dunno what to believe and trust.
There weren't physical things except for a recent dad's... threat while holding me down to bed. Otherwise it's just... "do X" but in such a way that makes me feel they don't care about me, but just about the thing being done... for their sake.
And I never felt that mom's sincere with her "I want this because it's needed for you, not just me", Maybe it's because she uses various threats that never happen/would happen, eh?
Bleh. Just rambling x.x
I got my own place!
Well, rented. And it's not quite my own of course, because Russian renting stuff is weird. Specifically it is not really... Well defined.
Currently making a small thing I always wanted to do... Dotfiles!
Specifically a script and config file format that will deploy things nicely instead of just... silly symlink of everything. The structure of dotfiles shouldn't resemble the structure of the actual destinations, no?
I have completely neglected intra-instance level communications >.<
And aw, no "instance only" posting c.c
Mastalab got renamed into Fedilab. Woohoo fediverse~!
(~-?) Feelings about parents, confusion, probably domestic abuse? idk Show more
Feel conflicted about parents. On one paw I kinda need support and they kinda seem to provide some?
On another I am somewhat scared of them in some way and etc. With casual "lol" when they converse with one another about me wanting to live alone on my own :V
Then there was time when father lashed out at me by threatening with broken nose for shouting in reply annoyedly at mother?
Oh and they don't consider freelance a real work ._.
Being unable to describe father, being annoyed when I'm getting asked to do.. just about anything by him, and him being more annoyed/aggressive to me lately...
That's not a good thing, is it?
Now I want to root my phone, just to extract the Steam's shared secret for their stupid custom OTP. Fun to implement though.
Maybe I should throw my collection of tiny usercss stuff in somewhere...
Poking around at ASP.NET Core. It's... interesting!
And I had to take it from the basics to understand that some things it does are automatic and implicit. After C and such, it just feels so weird x3
Impression on Aquaman (lol, earlier than USA!) Show more
So, got to watch Aquaman yesterday. Apparently I got to see it literally a week before full US release?
Thankfully there was a place locally where I could see it in English without translation, though without any 3D either because it was a small screen (don't regret it at all though).
So, movie is... good. That's me saying it as a person who has no idea about DC universe, doesn't watch too many movies and prefers random fanfics most of the time. Plot is... well, it's a superhero movie.
Also, a subjective though: some of the visuals and scenes and music are straight out Tron: Legacy. I guess I won't spoil it up!
scared some Show more
Gah.. I decided to think on whole heart stuff, that I get pretty rapid pulse going up the stairs and.. just walking home from university. So I'm now worried, what if there are some heart issues? But last time I went through specialists, they found nothing? Other than slapping a catch-all thing that practically means "healthy but anxiety" or something.
(+) Tasty biscuits/cookies Show more
So I am trying to understand what the heck is that cookie is to find a recipe of it.
Got almonds (and cinnamon?) in it, pretty springy, not wet nor dry. This example was cut out after being cooked, not before because apparently they had nothing to cut it out with before. I haven't got recipe nor name :C