I'm getting ready to give a presentation at a virtual con this weekend and I'm excited and scared out of my nine wits.

discussion of trauma/vague discussion of other people's emotional distress/mention of REALLY BAD FANFIC 

like i am not trying to downplay the shit they went through, I'm posting this here because they don't follow me on mastodon and I'm being VERY VAGUE on purpose

but this particular brain noise WILL NOT GO AWAY and it is making the inside of my head a very stupid place to be

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discussion of trauma/vague discussion of other people's emotional distress/mention of REALLY BAD FANFIC 

i'm in the middle of helping someone sort through some Trauma Shit and

i'm really glad i'm doing so over the internet

because right now i'm wheezing helplessly
not because of anything related to what they're saying

but because I have stuck in my head the voice of the narrator

of the Dramatic Reading

of that seminal classic, Legolas by Laura

"WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME"

@neauoire I love your Advanced Mac Substitute-- brings me right back to kindergarten, playing SimCity on a laptop like this

bugs, FREE BOOK, shameless self-promotion 

Oh, hey, this might be a good place to mention this--

smashwords.com/books/view/7655

^ My retelling of 's Metamorphosis is free on until the 31st of May.

If you ever wanted Gregor Samsa to have a shot at a happy ending, this is the book for you.

dolls, fantasy guns 

I love giving adorable characters heavy weaponry. It's such a fun clash of designs.

cw: people's relationship issues that are not mine 

egghhhhhh
I am the WORST PERSON TO GO TO FOR HELP in situations where someone is doing one of my friends dirty. I just go full hot-blooded rage and want to beat them about the ears with a frying pan and that is NOT HELPFUL to the friend who needs help!!!!!

mention of the Witcher, misogyny, Raised In A Cult shit, general malarkey 

...You grow up being told that your only purpose is to have kids of your own someday and make a man happy, and then... suddenly, you're taken off to be a Witcher. And neither of those things are going to happen for you anymore.

Even if you're Given A New Purpose (and had THAT abused into you til it sticks)...
The things you're told when you're very young, they don't go away.

Even without getting into the possible dysphoria... or the *lack* of dysphoria some of these kids might have, and realizing what that meant for them from the beginning...

Even without making it a Trans Thing...
it's still a way more interesting story than anything to do with Geralt could be.

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mention of the Witcher, misogyny, Raised In A Cult shit, general malarkey 

... I only know the Witcher through fandom osmosis, but...
...I've got a lot of feelings about the girls who were taken through the Law of Surprise.

@earlgraytay heh - yeah, dragon.style has the mod where local users have a 🐉 instead of an @ displayed next to their name, which is v. delightful tbh

- 🔥 ✨

Caption: a brown-haired male-presenting Animal Crossing villager sitting at a table in the empty cafe from Animal Crossing: City Folk. He is sitting at a long wooden table surrounded by empty chairs, across from an empty stage. There is a bar to his left, and an anthropomorphic pigeon barista is wiping a mug behind him. The pigeon is wearing glasses.

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content warnings: animal crossing, food mention 

I'm trying... quite literally... going to the cafe in Animal Crossing City Folk, because I can't go to the diner on my street IRL because quarantine.

With the music muted, some IRL coffee, and some lo-fi-hip-hop-radio going in the background, it almost works.

Almost.

cw: whining about personal qualities 

i hate, hate, HATE my innate sense of Justice (TM)
I go into bleak blinding rages when the world isn't fair and because the world is frequently unfair and horrible... yeah

cw: picture of an insect, self-promotion 

anyway i know people on here don't like self-promo but I have gay-ass short stories for sale

smashwords.com/profile/view/sc

amazon.com/Malcolm-Schmitz/e/B

stories include:
- Steampunk trans skyship captain hunts eldritch angels, deals with gender roles in a pseudo-Victorian London, smooches a girl

- NB autistic veterinarian must cure evil queen's sick unicorn- or it's off with their head!

- Kafka's Metamorphosis retold in the age of memes. On the internet no one knows you're a bug- unless you tell them. But when Gregor undergoes a horrifying transformation, he'll need the help of his internet friends to stay sane. probably the best thing I've ever published

(image descriptions: three book covers. one is an abstract image of gears and chains holding up a large rock, with "The Captain's Sphere" in white text on the rock surface. one is a historical painting of a red-haired woman in a red dress holding a goat-like unicorn, with the words "the Unicorn's Beard" written below it in a cursive script. the last one is an image of a cockroach on a green circuit board with "chrysalis" in red letters above it.)

cw: bioshock infinite, The Earl Grumbles, longpost, #TheEarlHasAnOpinion, 

okay this is just me bitching about someone on tumblr because i feel like if someone contradicts me i'm not allowed to have my own opinion unless i JADE myself at length

and i understand why you could hate bioshock infinite. i really really do. it's incoherent. it's structurally fucked from the beginning. it's racist as hell. it's written from a very politically liberal/moderate perspective-- which *as* a filthy Voltarian liberal I'm fine with but I understand that that's not everyone's cuppa.

but someone on tumblr said that not only does it get everything wrong about race it gets everything wrong about religion and i. bzuh?! bioshock infinite's take on religion is probably *the* thing it gets right.

bioshock infinite is the most SCATHING indictment of american christianity (especially the protestant/evangelical variety and DOUBLE especially mormonism) that i have ever seen and it is GLORIOUSLY pointed and nasty about it. it is aggressively anti-cheap-grace. it goes out of its way to make fun of how american christianity is more focused on YAY MURICA and on racism than on anything related to Jesus or redemption or forgiveness

comstock is really blatantly based on a couple of mormon prophets and he takes all the worst parts of mormonism to a parodical extent and it's just.

*chef's kiss*

and as a cult survivor- i have issues with how Elizabeth was written but the way she's written REGARDING HAVING BEEN RAISED IN A CULT is not one of them. future!elizabeth included. that whole sequence just... broke my goddamn heart.

... like. i get it. i get why you might not like it. i get why you might think it's bad.

but gods in fucking heaven the way religion is handled in bioshock infinite is the best thing about it

i am a simple man
in order to take a shower, i just need christopher lee to scream at me about how he is charlemagne

ARFAFHASFHAJKAF FAAAAAAK
I keep forgetting my computer speakers are broken
i need music to motivate myself to do things and that means I'm stuck with my headphones
which is not good when you need to take a shower or get out the door

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Dragon Style

I'm a grumpy queer dragon lady and this is my quiet cave for me and some friends.