Some forgotten genie @Phorm@dragon.style

Hello there, Fediverse!

I'm Phorm. I'm a vixen, and a chemist, and most importantly: I'm a genie. I spend a little too much time puttering about the internet, and a non-zero amount of time being shamelessly horny on main (Though admittedly a lot of it can be crypto-horny).

As I sometimes discuss sensitive topics, I'm a bit wary about followers. If you'd like to follow me, please note:

1.) Please be over 18 (I lean NSFW)

2.) Please send me a DM first, particularly if we have a previous connection

3.) Please note that I am BEYOND genie obsessed and if you follow me you will be getting a face full of GENIE.

#Introduction

Hello Mastodon. Hello Dragon.Style.

Some of you here know me, but most likely do not. I'm Phorm. I'm a rather mundane thing, work in chemistry, and spend too much time puttering about the internet. I'm not a dragon, but I think dragons are keen.

I fancy myself a genie. I am obsessed with genies. Like VERY obsessed with genies. I spend way too much time talking about genies. In fact, I'll likely be rambling about genie research in this space often.

#Introduction

Please refrain from calling it a "Comeback". I assure I have been in this vacinity for a considerable duration, and in that timeframe I have been instilling quite a fright in rapscallions and buffoons. Indeed, I have done so in such a manner that their crying might be compared to a torrential downpour.

...

In summation, you will shortly receive a blow from which you will lose conscious. My mother has, as such, requested it.

Yours,

Lord Llywington Coolest, Jannock

One day I'll have to come to terms with the fact that the only reason anyone cares about me, is because they can exploit my labor for monetary gain.

It's really the only thing I have going for me in this life, and it's be pretty much killing me.

Maybe the real genies were the friends we bottled along the way.

And here's a silly edit, because I can't help myself.

Fig 1 - My internal dialogue

(Lovely art by RubberMage - https://twitter.com/Rubber_Mage, http://www.furaffinity.net/user/rubbermage/)

🎶Bouncin' n' jigglin'
Dancing with a halter
Living with a stuffed top
Just go get altered
Get a couple milkshakes
Make folks double take
Fwoomp some, whoomp some
Just have more fun

Talk about
Big tiddy

Talk about
Big tiddy

I wanna exapand them
(Bop bop shoo wop) Make 'em so grand, then
(Shoobie doobie do wop) Sure not bland, them
(Bop bop shoo wop) Just outstandin'
Knockers, hooters, big and giddy
Everybody talk about
Big tiddy🎶

"Massive Semen Explosion" is Absolutely the name of a Doug Winger-style wrestler's finishing move.

You can't fool me. I know what this is:

Reality has broken down so much that it's starting to pull plot points from FA TF stories.

IF THE HAREM BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE BELLYDANCERS I WILL FACE SOLOMON AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO A LAMP

Apparently MFF canceled and refunded ticket the repugnant pile of human detritus.

Good on 'em. Very much appreciated to see a con do the right thing.

Apparently known troll and garbage homunculus Milo Ya(NotPuttingHisFullNameHere) is going to MFF? What the fuck?

Why the hell a convention wouldn't immediately respond with "No" is beyond me. Why the fuck would you let a group containing a high percentage of marginalized folk think even for a SECOND that you would allow an abuser like that to join your event? Fuck.

Society: Magic isn't real, and science cannot enable magic.

Me:

Today I learned that Pyramid-shaped Watermelons are a real, actual thing.

*Stares at @kotep* You're responsible for this somehow, aren't you?

Is this an irresponsible amount of tiddy?

Or almost too much enough tiddy?

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/33041814/

Please sign this contract to star in your own TV program on PHRMTV.

Every episode is a bottle episode.

It would be nice if, at the first and most minor symptoms of something amiss, my brain didn't immediately jump to the worst possible diseases as being the obvious cause.

The YouTube algorithm just recommended the Simpsons "Mediocre Presidents" song to me. So I'll be walking around all day with "I DIED IN THIRTY DAYS!" stuck in my head, I guess.

Could be worse.

Did you know the word "epilator" comes from the French word "épiler" and has a root meaning of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOHMYGODOWOWOWOWOWOUCH

Count Phormardeaux's Genie-an Lamptionary Fo' My Own Djinnification!

(Or Count Phormardeaux's Djinnification Magick Words for Genie-ing from your Bottle.... For Short)

I configured my player piano to play "Come On Elieen", but it exploded after the first twelve notes.