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Sonas as an expression of gender, pronouns, long post 

My sonas are important to me for different reasons, and a lot of the elements that went into their current makeup are a result of my changing identity and sense of self over the years. They are an expression of my struggles and joys and the ways I relate to the world and the ones I love. They are not exactly who I am, but they are representative of my life and history, and I value and love every aspect of them.

I am adding pronouns to my sonas as a way of furthering their relationship to how I experience my own gender. All of them are she, because I am she, but I am a much softer she than I tend to express, mostly because I don't really care how I am precieved by most of the world and sometimes even enjoy when people call me by the "wrong" pronouns. I have expressed this gender indifference before and even hinted at a kind of gender neutrality for my first sona, but I've never outright stated it before, and I'm ready to embrace that part of them and that part of me.

My older sona, a polar bear/phoenix, started in my youth as just an affinity for Phoenix that grew and affixed in my identity as a kind of inward expression of my emotions and the ways I react to and bounce back from struggles. The bear was added in high school, at first just for the sake of creating a sona to relate to furry friends, but the cool, even nature of the bear came to be a balancer for the phoenix, and the sliding scale between them came to be how I thought about myself and the mood cycles I go through. The bear and phoenix are distinct states of being while at the same time working together and balancing each other out. For that reason, I like having they/them for these two.

The kobold is new. Sometimes I throw her in with the other two, but she is not fully integrated into the first sona. I am more protective of Phoenix Borealis and like their individuality, and the kobold represents a new and different time of my life and more recent developments as a person. Kobold is also her own person and very much kobold. She has a lot in common with the parrot mentality I picked up from my cockatiels. She's spunky and lively and needy and actually more animal than my first sona. For that reason, I would like to adopt "it" as kibold's pronouns. I have always liked the word "it" in general because it can mean literally anything, and there's something about it as a pronoun that feeds into the animal/pet part of me that makes me feel validated in different ways from other gender neutral pronouns.

TL/DR: Poleybirb is they/them, Kobold is it, all are she. I am opening up the floor for any and all pronouns to be thrown at me, but I am still she. Don't worry about calling me by the "wrong" thing though, because you actually can't.

Poleybold loves you!

Highly relatable rap about MH, YouTube link 

"WTF is Self Care" by Open Mike Eagle. I just heard this song for the first time on a new podcast I'm listening to called Depresh Mode with John Moe (highly recommended so far, but I might be a biased THWODball). It's an interesting take on a somewhat ill-defined MH term that is often used with some level of classism.

youtu.be/ZOZqgbBSbn0

Subtooting my lovely husband 

:metaph: is so amazingly good and gentle and sweet to me no matter how my brain is treating me or what it's making me think, and I can't imagine having to get by without him. Thinking about how our love started, how quickly it blossomed and how it has matured over the years, I can't even imagine how I made it to the point of getting a love this strong and this important to me. I love my husband, I will do anything for him, and I am so happy that he chose me to be his sole mate and life partner.

Among the chaos of a highly hormonal brain, I get to have moments of clarity where I get to think about everything good life has given me in him.

Turtle/tortoise term 

Plastrum: The ventral (bottom) part of a turtle or tortoise shell.

Some plastrums are all one piece and very hard (like a galapagos tortoise, which needs a lot of support for its weight). Some are soft and pliable to allow the animal to squeeze into certain spaces (a notable example being pancake tortoises, which are born with a round shell that flattens with age, and their plastrum is very flexible and can be partially collapsed or inflated to protect it from being picked out of its hiding place by a predator). Some are hinged to allow the shell to close up (a notable example is a three-toed box turtle which is double hinged and can close its shell on both ends to keep it safe during predator attacks and allow it to neatly camouflage as a rock).

Plastrums are cool! :3

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Just finished chinese takeout and my fortune cookie contained memes

-waddles into the room and starts sniffing around for snacks-

I'm more kobold that :metaph: bargained for. -ominous slow clicks-

Guinea pig picture 

What a perfectly self-contained little capybara my mom's little old lady is.

Chewy is keeping me warm and snuggled and giving me the contented little squeaks my soul craves.

More self care, parent mention + 

I did some journaling summarizing my life over the last three months (since it's been that long since I've gotten to do so), and then I took a long, hot bath and spoiled the hell out of myself with every good smelling thing of my mom's I could find which included some lavender body lotion and some EO bath salt mixture called Tired Old Ass Soak. I'm feeling like I haven't in a long time. Really needed today.

MH+, self care 

I have a day off. I played my ukulele for a while this morning and learned a new song, and now I'm watching movies. It's been a while since I've been this okay on my own, although that's not entirely accurate; :metaph: is just downstairs, and I did just see him on his break. Gonna try journaling for a bit after this movie

PSA: Having mixed feelings re:parents 

A friend of mine found this helpful and shared it with me, and it’s one of those things I have never heard anyone say out loud that would probably be really helpful for a lot of folks to hear. Boost away

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Phoenix Borealis's choices:

Dragon Style

I'm a grumpy queer dragon lady and this is my quiet cave for me and some friends.