some facts about putting pronouns in profiles (247 words) Show more
- Some people put pronouns in their profiles.
- Some people get misgendered a lot when they don't put pronouns in their profile, and put pronouns in their profile so they get misgendered less.
- Some of those aforementioned people are trans people.
- Bigots like to pick out things that the subjects of their bigotry do as "weird" to justify their harassment and abuse.
- When cis members of a community put pronouns in their profiles, harassment for listing pronouns becomes less. Anti-trans bigots are more hesitant to do it because doing so feels less socially acceptable; pro-trans people are emboldened to speak out against any such harassment that does occur. Further, trans people feel safer putting pronouns in their profiles.
- Not every cis person is comfortable or safe putting pronouns in their profile. (Not every 'cis' person is cis.) For that matter, not every /trans/ person is comfortable or safe putting pronouns in their profile. For some people, it's a no-brainer to include them or not; for other people, it's a hard choice, and they're the only ones who can make that choice.
- We talk about putting pronouns in profiles because we want people who've never thought about it to realize that it's possible. We can't make a choice for them, but they can't make the choice if they don't know there's one to be made, or what they're choosing between ... so we talk about it.
re: some facts about putting pronouns in profiles (247 words) Show more
@StroomAfwaarts Gut feeling: look up some lists of neopronouns online (well, 'neo'pronouns - "thon" dates back to 1858, that's hardly 'neo' at this point), pick one you like, go "[neopronoun]/any" on your profile. (Or "they/any", if you can't pick a neopronoun.) Offering a nonbinary default should make people a little less prone to always using the same binary gender guesses /and/ making it clear that you are communicating your preferences and not dismissing the matter as "oh, don't trouble yourself with getting my pronouns right".
(Please encourage everyone to trouble people to get their pronouns right and back them up if anyone gives them crap over it - that's important.)
I would definitely test out the standard ones and any unfamiliar ones you consider for yourself in little sentences before putting that "/any" in there - stuff like "Stroom likes trans people, but she doesn't consider herself one", with 'she' and 'herself' being traded out for 'he'+'himself', 'they'+'themself' or 'themselves' (try both, see what you like), 'it'+'itself' ... put it down in a text file or whatever so you can react to it concretely and confirm your felt preferences. (And, like, you don't have to use that sentence - you can consider yourself a trans person - I just don't know you and can't personalize a pronoun validation for you.)
"any pronouns" addendum re: some facts about putting pronouns in profiles (247 words) Show more
@StroomAfwaarts 'Cause a lot of people don't think of this, a note: it's entirely valid to want people to /mix up/ your pronouns. I have a bigender friend who finds it validating to have his friends alternate between using 'her' and 'him' to refer to her, because it reinforces the point that he is both. In your place, I'd definitely also write some test sentences like that and check if /that's/ what you really want.
Remember: all of these are reasonable requests. None of these are a big deal. You don't have to have a "good enough reason" to ask people to avoid pronouns and use your name, to learn a new pronoun set, to variety-pack it up in their allusions to you - just treat it as unexceptional in the same way the man going "Call me Ishmael" at the beginning of Moby Dick is unexceptional. Any flicker of a preference, even just a purely aesthetic one, is enough reason to say "this is my preference", even if you go on to say "use any you like".
"any pronouns" addendum #2 re: some facts about putting pronouns in profiles (247 words) Show more
@StroomAfwaarts (And it's fine if you try things out and end up going "geeze, I think I actually want people to use my assigned pronouns". Knowing what you want and asking for what you actually want - not what you think is socially expected of you - is the point of putting pronouns in your profile, and lots of people are cis.)
(And, obviously, it's also okay if you start questioning whether you're cis - or questioning again whether you're cis, because sometimes it takes multiple attempts to resolve a question like that. Just want to emphasize that we are not asking you to say "any" - we'd rather you know what you want.)