tweetin lament Show more
okay I think I ... really should get off twitter. (at least, for a while. on main. of course not ooclumps and pokemon shitpost twitter)
because i'm used to: someone says a thing, you say what you'd have done differently, they say what they think of that, you discuss, start looking for ways sround dilemmas, etc.
i'm still mentally in the livejournal days, and i assume people who follow you are there to discuss things in good faith (at least, that was my lj experience.) i was on tumblr, but my tumblrs had themes and i didn't blog stuff that would involve disputes anyway.
so when i joined twitter i just expected the same good faith, but i guess twitter is 99% full of trolls and harassers, so that's... not how it is, and these days everyone is super defensive about anything, no matter what the topic is.
which, uh, makes sense. i don't think it's anyone's fault if they have to get aggressive. but i just can't handle that kind of environment well. so i probably should get out of there.
...
...but you know...
... *sigh*
... i hate getting to the point when i just stop checking a social media account. it always means i lose touch with a few cool people because they aren't in my new primary hangout.
wat do. :,(
tweetin lament Show more
@klara @mysidia A Twitter-like bar would be a truly horrible thing.
VerifiedTroll: *Takes a swig of beer* I'm so excited about this new bill that focuses on Traditional Values! 🇺🇸
SJPerson: *turns to the Troll* You're what's wrong with this world you fucking asshole!
Barkeep: Hey! I'm gonna need you to go outside for 15 minutes!
SJPerson2: OMG! Barkeep, you know VerifiedTroll is so fucking racist!
Barkeep: You too!
Barkeep: (to VerifiedTroll): 🍺 One on the house.
tweetin lament Show more
tweetin lament Show more
@klara
Yeah, and... like bars, you can't relax and be yourself because of the need to watch out all the time... I guess that's just for naturally-thicker-skinned people.
I was always scolded growing up for being oversensitive. I'll never stop maintaining that I was not at all being Unreasonably Upset about bullying, and that it wasn't "play teasing," but lately I'm wondering if maybe I was oversensitive too, and if maybe that's okay. When I try to toughen up, I just end up being shrill and harping. I shouldn't have to grow spikes on my back if I'd rather grow claws that are retracted when relaxed. It should be okay not to want to participate in aggressive social spaces. I shouldn't have to cultivate defenses for entertainment.
*hugs!*
tweetin lament Show more
Like, yes, what happened to you was more than play -- it was calculated hostility, that's obvious. And yes, you are also more sensitive than the norm (I wouldn't say "over"sensitive, as if there were an optimal baseline level of sensitivity. Obviously being sensitive is suboptimal in a harsh environment, but also optimal in others.) These two things can both be true, and probably both were contributing factors, but that sensitivity doesn't make it any more "your fault", or something you should have had to change. Really it should have been respected and preserved as a rare faculty.
tweetin lament Show more
I definitely feel like a lot of whatever sensitivity i had was shut down because i was pretty overwhelmed by noise and confusion. the bullying largely consisted of overstimulating me into meltdowns, so high perceptual sensitivity absolutely was a cause.
whether emotional-type sensitivity is relevant here, idk-- i wasn't too upset by what they thought about me; i just wanted them to leave me aloooone. i felt hurt by the adults blaming me, but anyone would.
the question of how far those two kinds of sensitivity are connected, i think i'll leave as an exercise for the reader.
in any case, i thought surely i must be insensitive when it comes to some things that "everyone else" tends to care about, that i just never cared about at all.
tweetin lament Show more
@klara @mysidia yeah, ymmv ofc but personally I feel like not caring about the things "others" care about isn't insensitive per se? because it's not like you didn't care about anything, just about different things -- and if we imagine a world where those things were the normalised things to care about, then the majority of people (who don't care about those things at all) now look like the insensitive ones...
Like, the question of what is "worth caring about" is so very culturally dictated, so very relative. And I think it really is (should be) a very personal matter, not one dictated from outside.
tweetin lament Show more
@mysidia *hug, if welcome* Twitter is really tough like that.
Like, on every site I end up typing plenty of replies and then not sending them at the last minute, but on Twitter probably the most?
It makes me think of bars, where people absolutely do go to socialize and meet new people but where also one needs to constantly be primed to get away from bad behavior early before it escalates.
But, like, some people don't like hanging out in bars. I sure don't.