how to know if something is romance; request for info
@alija I'm heavily aro, though when I was younger I had crushes that I'm pretty sure were romantic. I'd love some alloromantic folks to give input on this, though!
When I experienced what I thought was romance, it manifested as:
- being mildly obsessed with the person: thinking about them a lot, wanting to hang out with them a lot, listening to love songs and mentally making them about the person, seeing a thing that they would like and wanting to get it for them to make them smile. Their presence in my mind was "sticky": my mind kept wandering back to them.
- happiness and a warm feeling when they would talk to me or show that they liked me; like the opposite of being startled or shocked, instead of a painful stabbing or clenching in my heart that made me feel small, it was a warm and expanding feeling that made me feel peaceful and open, though also giddy and giggly
- holding their hand or hugging them would also give me this warm giddy feeling
- their physical features seemed especially beautiful and interesting to me, whether or not they were "traditionally" beautiful. Actions or behaviours that I'd find annoying in other people would seem endearing.
- I wanted to know all about them and their interests, even if they weren't ones I shared. I wanted them to know about me and my interests, which is also something I feel with friendship, but with friendship there isn't a passionate urgency to it. I think, "it'd be nice if we talked more because you seem neat", but it's a purely intellectual thing, not an emotional thing.
After an initial crush, this starts to settle into a calmer, more sedate thing? But I still feel positively drawn to the person's presence, and like it gives me a special burst of happiness to be in physical contact with them, do kind things for them, or see them smile.
how to know if something is romance; addendum
@alija I guess the closest thing I can compare it to, in terms of emotions I feel today, is the difference between seeing a really neat (insert your favourite domestic animal here) and being able to pet them, and seeing an epic (insert your favourite wild animal here) walking towards you, out of the mist, majestic and lovely, and then they lay their head down in your lap. The former is like, "aww, neat, adorable, cool, I'm happy!" The latter would make me want to cry and write poetry about how singular the experience was. Romance feels like that, I think.
I'm a grumpy queer dragon lady and this is my quiet cave for me and some friends.