Aid request for a low income disabled trans person in need! My partner was houseless for a long time prior to moving in with me & lost their clothing & has not been able to get new clothes including any gender affirming clothing in 3+ years. They’re also in need of prescription eyeglasses & have been w/o for 4yrs. I’m trying to raise funds to take them thrifting & to the optometrist for Christmas. Anything is helpful!
Cw: Social anxiety
Thing I said to my partner yesterday offhand that actually makes a lot of sense when I think about it:
"Yeah, I should probably not be the contact person for things because I'm shy and nervous around new people. Especially cute people. And I think everyone is cute."
(I mean, I also have a deep fear of rejection and think if I talk to someone "too much" they'll realize I'm boring and terrible and never speak to me again, so I should probably maybe work on that. But the first version is more fun and less scary.)
long post, D&D and other RPGs
A couple of guys I work with want to start a D&D game. They're both in school this semester and don't have time to GM, I'm terrible at longer campaigns but said I'd do a one-shot because those are fun and easy.
But I don't really want to play D&D though. There are just sooo many other games and so many of them that I want to try and I just find D&D so...not fun. I mean, it *can* be fun and I've had fun playing it, but I always feel like that has more to do with the GM and the players, and especially with those people letting me ignore the game as intended and just play silly characters who have no idea what's going on and just wander around while everyone else fights/explores/whatever.
I only have fun playing D&D when people are letting me *not actually play D&D* I guess is what I'm saying. 😆
But I think that's all this group has played and I don't really know where to start telling them about other games and trying to push it in another direction. So I guess I'll just do a D&D one to start at least, and then maybe the next time we take a break and do a one-shot I'll have a better idea of what they might like and can suggest running something else for that session.
A few days ago some of my co-workers were picking on each other (they do that a lot) and one of them was asking the other what she does with the 72 non-sleep non-work hours every week and I'm like "...what? No way it's that much."
So I did the math and it's right and I'm like "damn, what AM I doing with all that time?"
So I wrote down a list of all the things I *want* to do and every hour I pick a new activity so I actually get to get things done and not just go to sleep exhausted and sad.
It's nice! Working really well. I haven't yet got to the point where I actually spend an entire hour cleaning, but I'll work up to it. I have gotten more *other* things done. Writing, health care, reading, etc.
Tonight I had SUCH a bad day at work and it's my testosterone shot day so I gave myself 2 hours of self-care. Haircut (it's been stressing me out, always in my eyes and making people see me more feminine), nice long shower, old favorite TV show, meds! I feel a lot better.
I'm sure this wouldn't work for everyone, some people would probably find it more stressful. But it's working really well for me and I'm happy.
There's this local indie game design company with a new game on Kickstarter and I want it.
"Players take control of a cast of characters working to dismantle the aristocracy the only way they know how: summoning demons. This game is a one-shot area-control roleplaying game for 3-6 players, played on a story map (a pentagram)."
weird dreams, snakes, vore?
One of the things that most stands out to me about this dream, despite all the incredible weirdness of it, is the fact that the snakes in it were definitely particular real life snakes that I recognized and knew what they were.
I had a science teacher in middle school who had a small yellow anaconda in the classroom and taught us a lot about different types of snakes but that's probably the last time I would have gotten that sort of information. About 20 years ago. I am, again, NOT a snake person.
But no, they were very vivid and specific and when I looked them all up this morning they were also all *accurate*. And granted, these are pretty common snakes and that's not like obscure knowledge but still, knowledge I have definitely not tried to learn or keep so I'm impressed with my sleepy memory powers.
Like, the green boa was probably the most like "um I don't think you had that right, brain. My friend has a boa, it's brown. Are there really green ones?" So I look up green boa and yes, there are! With the white diamond shapes from my dream, even! I did not consciously remember this animal existing, wow!
weird dreams, snakes, vore?
I had this dream. It was super weird and WAY more vivid than most of my dreams so I decided it requires sharing.
So my partner and I were for some reason on this tiny island that was just a tourist trap-y building surrounded by a small border of sand. And there were employees outside trying to collect donations for more trees, but the trees they already had were dead and sad-looking and like this wasn't gonna work. Not sure why that was even a thing.
So anyway we ignored that and went inside where there was a courtyard with a pond and a bunch more greenery and like half of it was dense (but tiny) jungle and I saw a yellow anaconda when we first came in but just went to the pond and forgot about it.
Then partner wanted to go eat a picnic or something in the dense jungley part and I'd forgotten the giant snake by then and was like "wow what a good idea" so I'm following behind him and he gets maybe like 3 yards in and then I notice a bright green boa constrictor at eye level on the nearest tree to me and several more snakes right inside and I'm TERRIFIED of snakes so I start to kind of panic and whisper for my partner to come back out and he's confused and still hasn't seen them but comes back out to check on me and then a green anaconda sort of lunges and bites at his ponytail but just baaaarely misses so then he looks around him and there's some other snake on the ground with a bulging belly and we're like "oh hey maybe this is a bad zoo with the worst reptile house ever we should probably leave now."
So we head towards the door and then there's *another* snake that comes stomping towards us.
Yeah, stomping. Because it had just eaten a baby elephant I guess and somehow instead of the elephant dying it just lent the snake its ability to walk????? Like you could see the full outline of the elephant doing the actual walking but going where the snake wanted it too and it was soooooo fucked up.
Apparently that was the point where my brain was like "no, uh-uh, no more, not doing it" and I woke up and told my partner. He suggests we were in a Simic (mtg reference) lab and they were trying to make animal hybrids through vore. XD
work, anxiety about time/lateness
I somehow thought I was supposed to be up an hour earlier than I was this morning, so when I hit snooze on my phone and then noticed the time I'm like "aaahhh I'm an hour late, how did I not wake up at all!?" and jumped out of bed.
Rushed through getting ready, then remembered when I actually have to be into work and wanted to cry. Now I've got about 40 minutes before I actually need to leave and I'm trying to decide if I should take a nap or if I might oversleep if I do. Bleh.
It would be really, really nice to have a regular same-time-every-day schedule so I don't have to try and remember what time I actually need to get ready when I'm still half asleep in the morning. Oh well.
TBH I wouldn't make it a trans thing because I wouldn't expect the church to care or be sympathetic that way. The point is, regardless of whether they believe someone about their gender identity or whatever, calling people by their preferred names is pretty common and accepted everywhere *except* when it's about gender identity?
I have a manager who frequently "forgets" my name and it bugs me for a lot of reasons but one of the biggest is that it actually is just discrimination. It's not that I'm insisting on special treatment because of gender identity, several of my co-workers go by different names from what's on their paycheck (middle names, nicknames, etc) and it's fine. *She's* the one making it about gender and specifically refusing a consideration that is shown to everyone else because she doesn't want to respect my identity.
So from my perspective, the argument is basically - names aren't inherently gendered, call the kid what she wants to be called and don't hurt a child for your politics, yeesh. She might still feel this way and want to use the same name when she grows up, she might not, and either is fine, these things don't have to be set in stone. But if you make it clear church isn't a safe place for her to figure it out, she's not going to stick around.
ghostbusters: answer the call, opinions, interpretation question, solve a disagreement!, fragile masculinity
Yeah, it is really weird. It felt just silly and fun but then actually watching to try and understand and pick it apart it's like "...wait, what?"
Ok so apart from the weird delivery, then.
Do you hear the punchline as being anti-dude? XD
Is "dude" a derogatory word?
secret bike dreams
I think I actually found out about this from reading one of the "Taking the Lane" zines. I'm very extremely jealous of cities with a big biking culture. Where I am there's very little.
I got really excited after reading "Biketopia" (pretty sure that's another one of their issues), got my old bike and taught myself a lot to fix it up. Set up a little toolkit for myself and spent *hours* messing with it and getting it ready to ride.
But then I couldn't actually handle biking around here because there really just isn't space for it and I didn't feel safe. :(
ghostbusters: answer the call, opinions, interpretation question, solve a disagreement!
Although, re-watching the scene now...it's just kind of baffling. Because. She HAS a safety light! Sigourney specifically points to it, all lit up and asks if she needs it.
What a weird question. Of course! But also, why is it there? WHY IS IT LIGHTING UP?
Is it an actual safety light or just a decoration? I'm so confused.
It's a weird line and probably we've both actually completely missed the actual joke somewhere but whatever, still love it and still interested to hear other people's interpretations.
Or outright explanations, if you understood it and know what I missed.
ghostbusters: answer the call, opinions, interpretation question, solve a disagreement!
So my partner and I have an ongoing disagreement about a line from Ghostbusters: Answer the Call. Really, a word. "Dude."
He feels that it's used in a derogatory way, and that the repeated line "Safety lines are for dudes" is meant to be a shared sentiment, a "haha take that" comment that men are bad at things and need safety precautions women just don't.
So, *my* argument and the reason I love that line is that it seems clear the mentor is rolling her eyes at Holtzmann and that she is definitely definitely wrong and safety lights are for EVERYONE because hi, no one wants to die in a lab accident.
Thoughts? How do you read that scene?
I write, though not as much as I'd like
autistic | trans | enby/demiguy | asexual
admin of BookToot.Club
they/them or he/him
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