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henceforth I shall be replacing the word "masturbating" with the phrase "playing a solo on the slutsaphone"
@anthracite slutsamaphone
Ah yes, Bach's "Der Gerechte kömmt um" from the Passion Oratorio for organ... 
@anthracite it can be considered a wind instrument, but only if you're very flexible.
@anthracite
Is this a band thing where you get to have challengers for first chair?