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PSA: Having mixed feelings re:parents 

A friend of mine found this helpful and shared it with me, and it’s one of those things I have never heard anyone say out loud that would probably be really helpful for a lot of folks to hear. Boost away

PSA: Having mixed feelings re:parents 

@Metaph fairly relevant to recent events. I've had to recognize this several times about our parents. However, that's a more complicated subject than I think this is specifically trying to handle. Regardless, it's helpful.

PSA: Having mixed feelings re:parents 

PSA: Having mixed feelings re:parents 

@Metaph ...mmyeah. This was my mother to a tee.

She really genuinely cared, we were very close, and I grew up thinking of her as the best mum ever, as well as my best friend.

But she also didn't have any other friends, and had mental health issues that led to me, more and more, having to take responsibility for her and bear the emotional burdens of being the only person who cared and listened.

I became the parent, and it's fucked me up to this day.

PSA: Having mixed feelings re:parents 

@monsterblue it’s so hard to set boundaries with people that you care deeply about, and so easy to feel like the bad guy if you try, I feel this :dragnheart:

transcript (330 words) of PSA: Having mixed feelings re:parents 

# Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor... It took me a long time to realize that it's okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.

Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that's a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.

Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.

Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven't processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn't make their behavior acceptable, and it's okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don't have to forgive every mistake.

I want you to know that it's okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.

Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I've ever gone through... it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart's natural state.

But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

I know what it's like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

transcript (330 words) of PSA: Having mixed feelings re:parents 

@thamesynne thank you very much for this! Was on a short break and didn’t have the time I would have liked to make this screen-reader friendly

PSA: Having mixed feelings re:parents 

@Metaph I know that feel.

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Dragon Style

I'm a grumpy queer dragon lady and this is my quiet cave for me and some friends.